Barbershop Chronicles

1/10/2013

Another poignant barbershop moment today.

I get my hair cut by a black man who has a shop in a small suburban community that is affuent and almost all white. He's in his late 30s with several children of various ages. He has operated his shop in the same place since 1995. We were talking about dogs when he made this comment paraphrased below:

It's funny about white folks with dogs, man. You know I got kids, I've been had kids. And as many times as I've walked around here with my kids, nobody has ever said anything to me about my children. But if I have a dog with me? Man, I can't tell you how many white people come up to me and want to see the dog, talk to the dog, pet the dog. They will cross the street to come see this dog. I'm telling you, man, we could go outside right now and do an experiment, keep a tally and everything. It's true. All these people want to come see the dog. And I'm like, I have some pretty cute kids, too.

20 Comments

A.W.

1/20/2013 08:20:49 am

I've noticed that in my 30s I've gotten much more comfortable engaging with strangers' children, whether I'm on public transit or just walking around. Mostly affirming comments that back up the parents ("Okey doke, let's get you back up on the seat there like your mama wants.") or comment on something neat the child is wearing or doing.

It's possible this is just because I'm getting older. But I think the fact that I've spent the last decade-plus working and interacting in extremely racially diverse settings also has a lot to do with it. I'm a white person who grew up in an upper-middle-class white suburb. I would never have engaged with a stranger's child when I was 20.

But after 10 years of spending thousands of hours on 52nd Street, in West and South and Southwest Philadelphia, in churches where I was the only white (sometimes the only English-speaking) person, it feels utterly natural to interact with young people like that.

Most of the other white people I know, including many of my own family members, really don't spend any time in situations where they are the numerical or figurative minority. Thus, when they do run across black people, or any racial/ethnic minority, their interactions are stiffer and more formal. They're worried about saying the "wrong" thing because to them, the whole situation is unpredictable.

Tina Burris

1/20/2013 09:39:17 am

LOL! Man, I'm a white woman in my forties and I do not care for children. I did not like kids when I was a kid, so why should I like them now. I don't goo goo gah gah over ANYONE'S kids, but show me a dog and I will talk baby talk all day long!!!!!!

grandma

1/21/2013 12:28:20 am

Maybe we could use this anecdote, and the responses thus far, as a chance to think about community-building, and ask ourselves: What does that mean today? What would it look like? What would it take to make it happen? How would we each personally benefit?

Worldwide, people from all walks of life know that communities as we once knew them continue to crumble and vanish. This isolation, the attitude of "every man/woman/family for themselves" often includes a lack of meaningful contact--or any contact--between generations. And it brings with it a plethora of problems.

Do we know our neighbors? Why not? What price do we pay for this? What are the barriers that prevent a meaningful--or any-- connection? And that's before we even approach crossing racial divides.

Already over one decade of the 21 century has passed. Can we envision what our neighborhoods would look like if we begin forging such connections. What if we viewed everyone in our vicinity as if we were somehow related? (It is a scientifically established fact that we are.) What if we really saw ourselves as members of an extended family? What problems would such a collective sense of relatedness enable us to tackle, alleviate or even solve?

I am all in favor of material prosperity, the wonders of technology, contacts we make and knowledge we acquire via the internet, and yes, the satisfaction of relationships with pets. But let's get real: without meaningful human contact and connections, are our neighborhoods--whether poor, middle class, or affluent--really alive? What purpose do they serve for us, individually and collectively? And if we continue to remain so isolated, how will the upcoming generation see themselves and the world around them? Of what use will they be to themselves and others?

I suggest an experiment: Take one week. Act differently during those seven days. Think of everyone you encounter in your neighborhood as long-lost cousins/aunties/grandparents/nephews/nieces/grandchildren.--Strike up a conversation with at least some of them. Even if its only a few. Even if you think that, for all sorts of reasons, the person may not be willing to engage with you. The bold and most hopeful among us can pick encounters that seem most challenging--like crossing that invisible yet palpable racial divide. Give it a try... You may be amazed at what happens!

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7/16/2013 03:32:49 pm

Its little funny but if you think you may get it useful. He described a true point in his own manner. Probably, He may have seen many persons looking for dogs.
Regards,

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7/24/2013 10:36:50 pm

I liked the black man in your post very much. He has said a truth about white folks. But what I liked the most is the way he said that. I feel lot of innocents in that words and it made me smile too. Thanks for sharing the post. Keep updating.

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9/18/2013 09:23:43 pm

Black people generally wouldn't be as hype over the pet, so it's unusual to us. Many white people tend to love animals almost more than they love human beings.

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